Layne is interested in energy work and exploring the often unexplainable.
Dreams About Kissing Your Ex-Boyfriend or Ex-Girlfriend
Dreaming that you are kissing an ex-partner can be really shocking. To add to the confusion, there are tons of explanations (many of which are contradictory) about why this might have happened. Upon exploration of what might have caused you to have this type of dream personally, you will find that it doesn’t matter if you are single or taken and happy in your current relationship (or unhappy), this type of dream is very common. Let’s talk about what’s going on in your psyche and end some of the confusion or guilt you might feel.
Oftentimes, kissing your ex simply means that you are being reminded of some of the traits that they possess that you’ve identified in someone else (your current crush) or in yourself. Even though you might be seemingly attracted to your ex in your dream, you might be projecting your attraction to these identifiable traits and simply using your ex as a medium for your expression of liking. It’s also true that in some cases, you might still have feelings for your ex or might not have experienced full closure when the relationship ended. This is common but not necessarily the only explanation.
1. Your Ex Initiated the Kiss
If your ex initiated the kiss, this might be the universe’s reminder that there are unresolved feelings between the two of you, and perhaps your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend is still seeking a connection with you.
Did You Like It?
How you felt about the kiss is equally important. Did you enjoy it? Was it sensual, loving, tender, or pleasing? Alternatively, did you feel nothing, annoyed, unattracted to them, confused, or guilty like you cheated on your current partner?
If your reaction to the kiss was positive and mutual, you might have unresolved feelings towards your ex or even simply seek out the feelings that you once felt between you two in your current life. While you aren’t necessarily unhappy in your current relationship, you might be craving more sensuality, romance, and connection with your current love. There’s nothing to feel guilty about here; it’s just your mind telling you what you would like. Use it to guide your current waking life.
2. You Initiated the Kiss
If you initiated the kiss, this likely means that you are seeking a romantic connection in life. It does not mean you are necessarily seeking it with your ex, but your brain is going back to the last time and place that you were romantically connected to someone or familiar with a romantic connection (i.e., with your ex). Because of this, your brain is walking you through the emotions of what it felt or feels like to pursue a physical connection with someone. Your mind is actually saying that your ex feels familiar and safe (it’s like going through the muscle memory of a kiss). You might not even like your ex, but it’s a way for your mind and what’s buried in your psyche to surface and tell you that at this phase in your life, you could do with a little more romantic connection and pleasure to truly feel happy and fulfilled.
This could also mean your current relationship lacks physical connection and intimacy. You might love your current partner, and maybe your relationship is wonderful in many ways, but you could use a little bump in the romance department.
What Type of Kiss Was It?
- Unexpected: This might mean that you will soon experience a new romance that will bring about strong emotions similar to those that you experienced in the past. Are you currently crushing someone?
- Kissing on your wedding day: If you are kissing your ex on your wedding day (if you have plans to marry someone else like your current partner), this might mean that your current fiancé reminds you of your ex-boyfriend. This is not all too uncommon, considering we choose similar partners in a lifetime.
- Mutual kiss: A mutual kiss likely means you have unresolved feelings for one another. You might be denying reality and your true feelings for your partner. Often this means you two felt like the relationship ended abruptly without closer. Consider reaching out to them if the relationship was a healthy one and the timing is right this time around.
- Seeing yourself kiss them: If you are watching yourself kiss an ex, the focus of this type of kiss might be more on the fact that you are giving of love. You might actually be neglecting yourself and your relationship with self in waking life, and perhaps if your ex was similar to you, you are serving as a reflecting board for your self-worth; let this be a reminder of that and what you deserve.
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What Does It Mean if You Feel Guilty After the Kiss?
It’s important that you pay attention to how the kiss made you feel. If you are currently in a relationship and the kiss made you feel guilty, that might be because you felt like it was emotional or psychological cheating. However, don’t beat yourself up. This type of dream is very, very common. If anything, it is a healthy expression of your level of interest in romance. It might be reminding you that you and your current honey need to slow down and spend some time together.
If you actually liked the kiss and interaction and are feeling guilty because of that, you might need to reevaluate your feelings towards your current partner. Are you two really destined to follow the same path? Is the attraction there? Are you treating each other well and is the love still alive? Seriously think about these difficult questions.
The Dream Might Indicate That You Are Seeking a Resolution
It’s also possible that the two of you (you and your ex) never had an opportunity to make amends. If you both moved on to new relationships and never had a moment to close your current chapter or say your goodbyes in a healthy manner, your mind might be revisiting these moments of the past to surface emotions that you still need to process and detach from in a healthy manner. Remember, you were once partners, no matter what happened. At one point in time there was love or connection and attraction there, and that will always be a part of your dynamic no matter how far along you’ve moved on and how much you hate them or wanted to forget about them and move on.
Dreams Are What You Make of Them
Remember, every dream is different for every individual. There is really no true cookie cutter mold for deciphering a dream. You might find that you watched a romantic movie the night before, therefore, you had a dream filled with romance. Maybe you received a text from your former flame or crush and were reminded of a positive memory you once shared. Maybe you are single and are starting to date, and the thought of a potential connection brought you to this space in your mind. It really depends on what you need in this moment now, so really consider your unique perspective and feelings when extrapolating from a dream about kissing your ex. There’s really no right or wrong answer.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2020 Laynie H
Laynie H (author) from Bend, Oregon on October 23, 2020:
Hi Hertha, I’m glad you found this helpful. Definitely makes sense when you look at it from the perspective of desiring something—that the ex or person is just an expression of it. Thanks for the read!
Hertha David from Windhoek, Namibia on October 22, 2020:
I had a dream kissing my crushes but not my ex, however I was dreaming about someone I was really in love with but I was already in a situationship with someone else so I was honestly confused but I learnt that something was just missing from my current relationship and I just had to figure it out.